Welcome to orientation day at the University of Enrichment. Today we will tour your new community and provide the essentials to survive, live in the coming year.
If an upperclassman asks you over to his place for a drink and "quality chat time", he's totally into you and wants to be in an exclusive relationship.
University food - one part tater, no tot.
Need an ID so you can "vote"? Pick one up behind the University bookstore. You'll see a maintenance trailer. Knock two times fast, one slow. Ask for Jorge. He'll know what to do.
College is one step closer into the real world. Therefore, you must dress to impress. Shower, primp, and wear your Sunday's best to your 8am class. You will look like a senior ready to embark into the workforce. People may say, "Are you a freshman?" Take that as a sign of elegance. Yep, you look that good.
Go to the library after your first day of classes. It's the cool thing to do.
Down 8 shots of Tito's Handmade Vodka and be "that girl" at the party.
"That girl" means you are "that adorable."
The "Walk of Shame" is a runway. Don't stop at a walk. Sit and strut to class. Show off your night of partying to your professor. He or she will love it. So will your classmates. You will smell so good.
Alrighty Kids:
That concludes the orientation segment of today. Now go be the leaders of tomorrow.
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