K is for... Kongfrontation

Kongfrontation, or commonly referred to as "the King Kong ride," was a ride at Universal Studios Florida theme park. I honestly didn't know its formal name until I googled "King Kong ride" and incidentally obtained more hits with the latter. It's the Baba O'Riley* of amusement park attractions. 


Oh the mechanical nostalgia of the 90's: Jaws, Earthquake: The Big One, Back to the Future: The Ride, Terminator 2: 3-D Battle Across Time, E.T. Adventure (search "E.T." in my archives to read multiple entries pertaining to 20+ years of personal terror.)


I could have written another terrifying chapter in the E.T./Olivia Saga*, but I have decided to talk about my good pal, Kong. At first, our Kongfrontation looked like a continuation of the E.T./Olivia Saga. 


As we weaved back and forth in the neverending line, I took one look at Kong on the promo video and said "No." My family wasn't too pleased since we had been playing follow the leader in line for 45 minutes. As the attendants began to funnel us into the box car,  I performed an Olivia sit-in. I kung fu gripped the handle bar rail and wrapped my little adidas around the gate. I was not going into that boxed car of perpetual terror. 


I was unhappy, my parents were unhappy, the fellow patrons were certainly unhappy but I undoubtedly did not care. At this time everyone is huddled in the claustrophobic car, except for me of course. It was time for an intervention. A Kong caretaker confronted my parents, a nod followed, my mom exited the box car, the doors shut, and the patrons were on their merry way into oblivion. I was safe! She gently held my hand and we left the premises with the Kong caretaker. After an immediate wave of relief had left my sweaty palms, I had an "Uh oh I'm in big trouble" moment.  I'm going to get the "I'm banned from every Amusements Parks forever" pink slip. To my dismay, I was led to a room with multiple tv screens and an illuminated array of buttons. So many buttons. 


I was led to THE control room. The Kong caretaker introduced me to the Kong "Controller", the man behind the Kong. I watched him control the big gorilla, er, gorillas throughout the ride. After one smooth run-through, it was my turn. I pushed the buttons, I moved the gorilla, I had the power... I was Queen of the Jungle. 


*Baba O'Riley: Song performed by The Who - mistakenly referred to as "Teenage Wasteland"
*E.T./Olivia Saga: I'd rather have a tea party with Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhies, and Hannibal Lector then spend 5 seconds with E.T.